Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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