I faked an abortion last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
