the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we made out on top of his cat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
