In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
