somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
