a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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