Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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