i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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