my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
