your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've blown a few things in my day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
