He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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