omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
