Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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