I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
