I bet he comes in French.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
