I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
