Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize