they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize