I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
