She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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