i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
