My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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