Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just pee around me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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