Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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