im six kinds of drunk right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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