i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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