I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
