What a fucking waste of an outfit
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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