sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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