Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
