is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
