I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
