i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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