Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
