so explain again why im purple
no
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
