I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
