i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
