I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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