so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
