I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
