So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
