yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
