Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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