Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
