sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
