it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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