We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he quoted the bible to break up with me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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