he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
