there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize