There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
