I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
