You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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