i just google imaged poop.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
