it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
