Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
