I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
