Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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