I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
