You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
