There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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