Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
