Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
