We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
