I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
