"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i out mim tonsoeep
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