Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
