Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
