Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize